We've Moved!

Hello Blogosphere-

I've finally gone and done it, that is, start a new blog. And that means this blog, my friends, has come to it's close. We've had some good times, we've laughed, we've cried, I've bitched and moaned in front of you all. And things have changed a bit, including the author... And I don't even live here anymore...So with that, I invite you all to the new blog, which is in it's infancy and doesn't have much html or whatnots on it yet but I love it just the same.
See you there!

Http://www.soberinsouthflorida.wordpress.com

Quote of the Day

And the wild regrets, and the bloody sweats,
None knew so well as I:
For he who lives more lives than one
More deaths than one must die.

Oscar Wilde, The Ballad of Reading Gaol

Sober BBQ in Boynton Beach

Sunday morning I was supposed to do my fifth step with my sponsor, or spill my guts on all the crap I've done to make me supposedly feel better, for those unfamiliar with AA and all. Then off to a Sober BBQ in Boynton Beach. I slept through the appt for my fifth step, so am still stuck in a funk- I've admitted to myself all this fucked up shit I have done, but have not yet had the opportunity to unburden my soul...

I'm calling it a Sober BBQ because any kind of function without drugs and alcohol outside of a treatment center is still somewhat odd to me... To most of the people there, who have more time sober, it was just a farewell party for one of our own off to Georgetown Law..



I went to the park, whose name I totally forgot, and immediately remembered at least one reason why I drank and used. I am a social retard. I'm fine once I've gotten to know people and all, but here amongst all these people who have figured out a way to do this thing and succeed at it... I just felt... weird. Weird in a kind of way a drink or drug would have soothed for me in the past. But this is not an option anymore, not for me anyway.

Anne Frank once gave the advice that anyone who was feeling lonely should go out in nature. So I took my camera and headed toward the beach... Oddly enough, some people followed me shortly and I ended up having quite a few interesting conversations. By the time I walked back up, it ( my social akward-feeling) had passed. It always does, I'm finding. This amazes me because in the past I never allowed any kind of negative feeling to pass naturally, I just medicated them temporarily away...






And strangely enough, I had a really good time....It was really cloudy at first, and the sky brightened as my own fog lifted.

Here I Go Again On My Own...And My Little Dog Too

I moved into Hamayan, a sober living house owned by Chabad of East Delray Beach(website - Sober Jew) yesterday... MKHall of Hidden City helped me move, and even picked up Nico for me!
Can I tell you, blogosphere, I can't remember being so content! Reunited with my darling puppy, sitting here on the front porch of a quiet street in a good neighborhood of Delray, living with 3 fabulous girls in a great house...Goodbye Florida House and all your formica and court-ordered clients!
Now that sounds a little ungrateful, and I am very grateful. That place did a lot for me, helped me learn a lot about myself and more importantly, how to change and live life sober, and actually like it!
But it was time to move on. I did all the changing and growing I could there, and I can't say I miss having cameras above my head while I sat on my balcony documenting my every move ( I'll never forget the time I pulled out a wedgie only to look up and see one right above my head after they had first installed them) or being around people still shaking from detoxing or therapists and techs walking around giving me stank-eye.
I have my camera but haven't yet unpacked the cord that plugs it into my computer. I want to begin to document how freaking cute Delray is asap. The artsy, Key West-without-the-heavy-drinking vibe is phenomenal. Actually, Delray is the recovery capital of the country. Good shit, no? And my sponsor, and my favorite tech from FloHo live here as well. YAY

My Body is a Wonderland

Today I was walking home from work, listening to my new theme song, Sober by Pink (yes, really, me) when I stepped into oncoming traffic. I do that a lot, and I can't even blame the Ipod entirely because this has been going on since I learned how to toddle. If I wasn't lost in the song, I would be lost in my own thoughts. Such is the life of a narcissist. Anyway, I looked up and saw a car barrelling at me, an old dodge chartered by an even older snowbird. The adrenaline rush that shot through my body was nothing short of amazing. Now that I have been sober for almost five months, I feel the chemical changes in my body so much more significantly. Really sober, as in the only chemicals I put into my body are caffeine and nicotine, and I seriously need to work on those as well. The feeling as I almost got hit was so intense I lost my breath for a minute and autopilot-propelled myself across the street, my brain still thrumming with the electricity of the adrenaline and cortisol. I guess in the land of sobriety, that's a freebie...

The Trouble With Pathology

The trouble with pathology, I realized
Blowing smoke over the balcony one night
The Atlantic wind whipping east to west
Palm trees waving to the sky.

The trouble with pathology is-
Self-awareness is the genesis of confusion.
The tea cup puppies at the store
Wait to be taken home by anyone.

And how does it ever end?
In the dawn that breaks in my eyes.
When I know that I hate you more
Than I hate being alone.

You are not the captain of this pirate ship.
I am not the Indian princess
But I stand at the end of your plank, knowing
It’s safer in the ocean, and jump.

Now there is nothing else to do but close the book.
My manipulations folded neatly on the table,
And begin to write my own story.

Sayonara for Now, Blogosphere!

I will be out of town and out of contact for the next month. I will miss blogging but promise to come back stronger than ever, a bohopoetgirl even I haven't met yet.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

BohoPoetGirl